Due to human (non-bot) spam the first contribution of a user has to be reviewed and activated manually, all further contributions do not require this.
As long as a user does not have at least one reviewed and activated contribution, the user is unable to edit his profile, set a avatar, title picture or a signature.
The relay servers are hosted by us and used automatically when a connection to a server cannot be established otherwise, i don't think you can setup your own, but am not totally sure about that, i'll ask devs after the easter holidays.
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